How to communicate with your Parents/Carer/Guardian/The significant adult in your life!
I’m a parent of two daughters in their mid 20s and they are STILL deciphering all my signs!
But I am going to do you a good turn now and help you decipher your parents signals.
A slow blink….is not a good sign! It means they are taking time to control their urge to wring your neck. But, because they are the adult they need the length of the slow blink to recovercontrol.
A smirk…..is actually a good thing!They have noticed the humour or irony of your situation long before you have and are trying very hard to hold that giggle in!
A stare….is not a good sign. That’s pure speechless rage…. RUN.
A hug …..can be both good and bad. DO check out which one it is before accepting the hug because it could mean now that they have you in their arms, that’s where you will stay until by law they have to leave you go at 18 years of age! However….a hug generally means, you’re a bit of a twat for doing whatever it is you did, but they love you and will support you throughout the consequence!
Silence….yea ,this really isn’t good….they are so enraged they cannot utter a word out loud but by GOD they are having a full on blow out inside their heads. Now is not the time to ask for forgiveness, its the time to run for cover, or better still…..slink away, that could be life- saving!
But, I think there is one thing we can all agree on, your parent is older, and therefore has more experience of life both good and bad. Hence, maybe they know a little more about the pitfalls and successes and on those grounds consider giving them a chance to try to protect you. They may
actually have some pearls of wisdom to share (most likely they have done whatever it is you are about to fess up to!) and they know the consequences! So give them a break!
Questioning ourselves as parents
Here are a few questions you may not realise that parents constantly ask themselves.
Is that hug one of love? Or is it a sorry?
Has some major disaster happened or is my child just overwhelmed by something?
Has something terrible happened to my Teen who is 10 minute s late or did they simply miss the bus and the phone charge is gone?
Is my teen whispering because she is up to something or is she simply keeping the noise level down so I can hear the TV?
Has my teen hidden their phone from me because its best for a parent not to read what’s on it or is my teen simply looking for independence and privacy to follow their own paths in life?
Is that a look of contempt towards me or is that really alook of anger because she is upset about something that I am not privy to know about?
Have I taught them enough to help them deal with the variety of situations life will throw at them?
Am I a good parent?
YES, your parents are doing their best, But they too have flaws and sometimes you pointing out their failings can be a good thing as long as it is delivered in an appropriate manner! HOWEVER, do time it right. The middle of an unmerciful cat fight isn’t a wonderful time to pick on them about their flaws! You can’t win once you have pressed that big RED button!
The following suggestions could keep alive long enough to make the next mistake !
Keep it simple. We are not always the brightest of people after a night out or a late shift or a bit of exercise or a sleepless night! Don’t torture your parents into second guessing what you are
trying to tell them. I can assure you they will think the absolute worst case scenario which won’t help your position one little bit!
Don’t assume we have knowledge of your situation! We MAY have and we MAY NOT have. But one things for sure we won’t be letting on we know anything if we do! So spill.
Take a chance yes we will probably eat you alive, but we are more likely to explode if we hear it from someone else!
Believe that you are loved ( though you may make it difficult sometimes) and hope there is enough love to keep you alive as you ‘fess up’ to whatever it is you need to fess up to!
Trust that the reaction you may receive is of a temporary nature and good old Mom/Dad will soon be eating out of your hands once the dementia sets in again and they forget all about it.
Don’t lay it all out in one big lump. Your beloved parents are not quite able for disasters too big in one sitting. You may need to spoon feed them a little. Start with a ‘Need to Know’ position and progress from there.
Prepare for their response. Here’s youropportunity to think of the worst possible consequence and know that in reality…it will be a lot more palatable. It’s not actually in our nature to chew you up and spit you out. (But don’t test that theory ….just in case)
Accept the years of living your parents have done has taught them something. Hopefully wisdom! In which case LISTEN to them and accept their solutions as possibilities for you to ponder on. Not absolutes but possibilities!
Don’t’ raise your voice when delivering your bad news ! Trust me ……it won’t help matters, you shout, they shout , you shout, they shout…..has anyone heard anything I wonder?
Do offer your own solutions to your own issues. That really cheers a parent up when they can see you problem solving, taking ownership of your own actions and basically growing up into a
responsible young adult that is preparing to live without their parents in a few short years….so your ‘problem’ may bring them great joy! Or maybe not!
Respect is mutual it has to be earned. It’s not a right. And respect only works if both parties respect each other.
As Parents we are hardwired to ALWAYS worry about you. It’s your challenge to somehow communicate your fears and worries in a clear manner so your parent can help if that is what you want. Mixed messaging will undoubtedly lead everyone down the wrong path and can end up with some
seriously harsh words that were never meant to be said.
So guys…..now that you know the signs you will realise you should always have a pair of runners on your feet!
Help us help you! Let’s understand each other!
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