Parents, When is too much…., too much?
When do outside and inside school extra-curriculum activities become a cause for imbalance for your Teen?
This is a dodgy question, loaded with potential pitfalls. No chance of a win win and every chance of a lose lose!
What exactly do I mean by that?
Well, being active outside studying, is vital for a young person’s physical and mental wellbeing. However, is your Teen representing the school at matches a little too much? Are their outside activities taking too much time from their day? Are they on the schools teams the county team the local team? Are they helping younger kids by training them?
At this point I am ready to fess up to being a parent of excessively busy musical children.
The outcome?
One turned professional, the other used it to enhance her chosen career. Both enjoy playing music.
READ ON!
Achieving balance between outside and inside school life is challenging .
Well let’s look a little deeper. We as parents choose their activities and we exude joy when they succeed on the pitch , on the track, on the court or on the stage. We love to see ‘Our Johnny” performing in something that we can share with them.. We share the joy of our Teen/Child being chosen for the A team, or getting the lead role in the school play. We cheer them on relentlessly. We encourage them to continue in their activities and to strive to be better . As they grow older their levels of dedication to their preferred activity or activities demands more of them as does their school work.
But where’s the stop button or even the pause button!
At this stage of life there really isn’t time for a pause or you lose your winning part in the school play or you are renegaded to the all embarrassing B team. Your street cred is a risk, no I don’t mean your child’s I mean yours! The Parents!
At what point do you say ENOUGH!
Or do you say it at all? Do you torture yourself with doubts of pushing your children too hard or maybe not enough? How do you determine when , if ever, is an appropriate time to put some boundaries down regarding extracurricular activities. ? Do other people tell you or hint that you are pushing your kids too hard? Are their outside interests affecting their studies?
The answer lies almost entirely within you yourself.
YOU know you child and their abilities and their loves. YOU know how it affects them in both a positive and a negative way. YOU have the ultimate say, and if these activities are not bringing joy to your child, then maybe an honest conversation is required with your Teen and with yourself.
Our children are individuals
This is such a difficult topic because if your child has ability and may even make a career out of their hobby, how do you guage the balance? What if one of your children is spectacular at an activity and is able to keep all the balls in the air but your other children do not have the same ability or interest but are still giving a lot of their time to the activity? What if your other child has the same spectacular ability but not the interest?
Complex questions demanding complex thinking!
Questioning myself
So here’s what I think. As a parent I wanted to give my children as many opportunities as possible as I watched them develop into the wonderful people they are today. However, I did have to keep a few pointers to the fore! And I made many mistakes! (They remind me at every opportunity!)
Ask yourself…..
Do I want my child to be like my other child? NO I don’t. They are different people therefore I need to see them as individuals.
Do I want to push my child to attend all games, matches, activities, training when they have limited ability/interest in that activity and may not be getting the opportunity to participate in an activity they really shine at.? No I don’t but I DO want them to be healthy and if the activity is a healthy one well then they have my support within reason leaving enough flexibility for them to pursue a different enjoyable activity that they may have more talent for?
What if I make poor choices for my children?
Don’t worry….they will tell you! Your job is to hear and make the best decision possible.
What do we all have in common?
We want our children to live happy, healthy, purposeful lives.
That’s what makes the US happy.
You’re doing great!
Discover how Áine can help you or a young adult in your life. Book a complimentary introductory session with Áine today.