Being perceived

Being perceived as ‘being good’ at something can be both a joy and a crucifixion

You don’t have to be very good at something….Good enough is Good enough!

I was always ‘good’ at something, almost everything I touched ( except cooking!)

I was Never excellent, top class, outstanding but always good enough to upset others. I couldn’t and wouldn’t change my strengths to appease others. I didn’t always ‘fit in’, because I was ‘good’ at something I learned the hard way but I did learn how to manage myself and my abilities and remain true to myself. I was often isolated, spoken about negatively and challenged. I am not unique. This is a very real issue for many many people the world over and we all have our different ways of dealing with it. However school environments can be the most challenging of all ( and I went on to be a Teacher a Musician and a Life Coach!).

The impact of being ’good’ at something

The journey through life with a talent is not an easy one. It attracts attention ( that you may or may not want and that others may not want you to have!). It requires constant improving and therefore can be very time consuming which can have a knock on effect on relationships and other commitments.

Expectations are higher, your own sense of perfect can be twisted. Others treat you with a mixture of awe and contempt. Jealousy can sneak in to friendships and destroy them. Trust can be invaded by doubt. Resilience can be tested.

School can be a nightmare .

Work can be a nightmare.

Home life can be a nightmare.

How to survive being ’good’ at something

Managing your ability and yourself are key to overcoming obstacles to your success.

So how can this be achieved?

I come from a family that is perceived as being ‘good’ or even great at certain activities. A house of high achievers. This is not something we as a family identified with, we just plough on doing our best in life with the strengths that we have. On closer scrutiny I can reflect on the highs and lows and know that the choices we made along the way were mostly the best ones for us but they did require surmounting obstacles thrown in our path.

With a negative mindset which I sometimes have, I can relive these memories and see them through a darkness, possibly bigger issues than they actually were , or, I can relive these events with a more positive attitude to the learnings I got from each one of them and observe if my situation has improved because of those learnings.

Questions I ask myself that you could try!

1. Can I identify a toxic relationship earlier so it never reaches that level of toxicity ?
2. What behaviours would I change myself if I had a chance to.
3. What positive learning will I take into my future and what will I let go of?
4. How best does one of these events serve me?
5. How do I adjust my own reactions?
6. Have I lived by my mantra…stamp out the rot.
7. Have I removed myself from a situation that does not serve me well simply moved on?
8. Have I allowed these situations to hold me back from being the best I can be or from taking my future from me?
9. Have I shared my worries and anxiety with someone I do trust fully.

Living with the memories

Being bullied can be a lifelong event. It doesn’t end in your school going years. Being ‘Good’ at something as in my case was always the common denominator of each failed friendship, relationship and traumatic event.

The impact of bullying can leave scars. It can damage your confidence and self-belief if you allow it to. It can change your image of yourself. It can make you feel nervous and awkward in potentially vulernable situations where your talent will be on display.

But it’s not all negative. It can increase your resilience, your learning, your knowledge, your ability to trust your intuition, your determination to succeed, your outlook on life, your own kindness to others. It can inspire you to do better, to reflect on your own behaviours and reactions and think of what you might do differently in the future. It can help you help others.

Here is a coping suggestion when faced with a setback

1. Look at the situation through the eyes of an observer as opposed through your own eyes only.
2. Be aware of those unpleasant feelings and recognise that they are emotions and they will pass.
3. Look at what caused the setback in the first place. Can you take some useful learning from it and take it into your future ?
4. This is simply an experience it is not actually you and therefore doesn’t define you as a person.
5. After I have had a good think about a setback, I try to then ‘park it up’ .
6. Consider this! If someone wants to pull you down, well that’s a compliment. You’re obviously doing something right☺

So drive on! And Succeed!

Good Luck!

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